At the beginning of an acquaintance, it is important to assess not only one's own feelings but also how the potential partner relates to the man himself. A psychologist advises asking oneself a simple question: "How do I feel next to this person and how does he perceive me?" According to the specialist, during the first conversations, it is possible to understand what kind of relationship a woman is looking for. A situation where a man is viewed not as an individual with his own desires, feelings, and interests, but primarily as a person obligated to perform certain functions should raise concern. The psychologist identified five signals that men should pay attention to at the beginning of an acquaintance. ## She Needs Not a Man, but His Function The first alarming signal is that the woman is interested not so much in the man himself, but in what he can do for her. If during the acquaintance she constantly talks about her needs and expectations but hardly asks about the man's feelings, views, interests, and desires, this behavior should be observed more closely. As Irina Chenye explains, sometimes a person is not looking for a specific partner but a certain function that the partner must fulfill in the relationship. For example, a man may need a woman who will take care of the household, while a woman may need a partner who will fully provide for her financially. In this case, the character, inner world, and needs of the other person become unimportant. If the potential partner is expected only to fulfill a certain function, this may indicate an unfulfilled need, the responsibility for which the person is trying to shift onto another. The psychologist calls such a position immature. In this case, a person expects someone from the outside to provide them with what they cannot or do not want to provide for themselves. The desire to have a caring, reliable, or well-off partner is not a problem in itself. Difficulties arise when a person's individuality is pushed to the background, and their value is determined solely by the benefit they can bring. ## She Immediately States: "You are a man — you must" The second alarming signal is that the relationship is built from the very beginning around the man's obligations and responsibilities. The psychologist advises to be cautious if a woman regularly adopts the position: "You are a man — therefore, you must," expecting that the partner will provide for her, solve arising problems, and be responsible for meeting all her needs. Particular attention should be paid to the situation when the woman herself is not ready to take responsibility for her own life, decisions, and well-being. Irina Chenye does not advise men to agree to such a model of relationships. According to her, over time, a dynamic of "father — daughter" may form in the couple. The man will constantly have to solve his partner's problems and take on responsibilities for aspects of life that an adult should usually handle independently. As a result, the relationship ceases to be a union of two equal individuals. One partner finds themselves in the role of a constant guardian and rescuer, while the other becomes accustomed to shifting their tasks onto them and making new demands. It is important to distinguish between mutual support and one-sided obligation. In healthy relationships, partners can help each other, but each retains the ability to independently take responsibility for their own life. ## All Her Exes Were "Bad" Another signal is how the woman talks about her previous partners. If in her stories all former men are invariably portrayed as bad, and she constantly insults, belittles, or describes them exclusively in a negative light, the psychologist recommends paying attention to this. This does not mean that both partners are equally responsible for any unsuccessful relationship. Sometimes a person genuinely encounters deceit, cruelty, infidelity, or other serious circumstances for which they are not to blame. However, the behavior model itself can be telling, where a person never analyzes their own actions and does not acknowledge even a minimal contribution to the development of conflicts. It is important to listen not only to stories about how bad the ex-partners were but also to pay attention to what conclusions the woman has drawn after the breakups. Is she able to talk calmly about the past? Does she understand why the relationships ended? Does she notice her own mistakes and the changes she would like to make in her behavior? Irina Chenye notes that due to traumatic experiences, a person may sometimes fail to notice the love, care, and support they received. Past grievances can influence the perception of the past and cause one to see previous relationships solely in a negative light. Therefore, it is necessary to assess not just the fact of negative memories but the person's attitude towards the experience they received, their readiness for self-analysis, and their ability to take responsibility for their own decisions. ## She is Looking for a Man Who Will Be Everything to Her The fourth signal is the expectation that the partner will become the sole support and replace nearly the entire rest of the world for the woman. This refers to a situation where she has long waited for a man who will simultaneously be a romantic partner, best friend, psychologist, financial support, and someone who can solve all her problems. The psychologist advises paying attention to whether the woman has her own life outside of the relationship. Does she maintain communication with friends and relatives? Does she have hobbies? Can she take care of herself and solve everyday tasks independently? If after the man appears, the woman gradually gives up friends, interests, and her usual surroundings, and the partner is expected to replace all her close people, he may be burdened with excessive responsibility. No one person can constantly and simultaneously fulfill all possible roles. The demand to be the sole source of love, communication, support, entertainment, safety, and financial well-being creates significant tension. Over time, such a model can lead to emotional dependence and numerous grievances. Any desire of the man to spend time separately, engage in his own affairs, or communicate with friends may be perceived as a lack of love and attention. In healthy relationships, partners remain an important part of each other's lives but do not become its sole content. Each retains their own interests, friends, responsibilities, and internal supports. ## She is Too Focused on Gifts and the Status of Exes The fifth signal that the psychologist advises to pay attention to is excessive fixation on material things and social status. Irina Chenye gives examples of women who talk a lot about their former "super suitors" during the acquaintance, constantly emphasizing how much they loved them, what expensive gifts they received, and how much money men spent on them. The mere recollection of an expensive gift or a successful ex-partner is not a problem in itself. The material side of life naturally exists in relationships, and financial expectations of partners can indeed matter. What should raise concern is the situation where gifts, income, social status of exes, and the man's willingness to spend money become central themes of communication. In such cases, it may feel as if the new partner is being evaluated primarily based on his financial capabilities. According to the psychologist, such fixation sometimes indicates that a person wants close relationships but is not yet ready for them. Attention is focused on external signs of a successful union, while emotional closeness, mutual respect, and interest in the partner's personality remain secondary. At the same time, the specialist emphasizes that such behavior is not only observed in women. Men can also be excessively focused on status — for example, constantly boasting about ex-partners with model appearances and thus trying to enhance their own significance. The main problem lies not in talking about the past or material things but in using partners as a confirmation of one's status. ## What Should Alarm a Man Irina Chenye highlights five main signals that may manifest even in the early stages of acquaintance: * The woman perceives the man primarily as a performer of a certain function; * She builds communication around the premise "you are a man — you must"; * She blames all unsuccessful relationships solely on her ex-partners; * She expects the man to become her only support and replace her entire environment; * She is excessively focused on gifts, money, and the status of partners. In all these situations, a common feature can be traced: the man ceases to be perceived as an independent individual and turns into a means for satisfying someone else's needs. At the same time, a single unfortunate phrase or a one-time manifestation of such behavior does not yet mean that the woman is incapable of building healthy relationships. Everyone goes through emotionally complex periods, painful memories, and unrealistic expectations. It is important to assess not one episode but the overall behavior model. Is the potential partner ready to take responsibility for her own life? Does she have her own interests and sources of support? Is she able to discuss the needs of both partners and seek compromises? Does she see the man as a living person rather than a set of useful functions? The listed signs should not be used as a rigid checklist for immediately terminating the acquaintance. They should be seen as a reason to pay closer attention to how communication is structured and how equal future relationships can be. A healthy union implies mutual interest, respect for personal boundaries, and the willingness of both partners to take responsibility and support each other. If one person primarily makes demands from the very beginning, shows no interest in the inner world of the other, and sees them only as a source of money, care, or problem-solving, such relationships risk quickly turning into a heavy obligation.
