The reasons for marital infidelity are often related not only to what is happening within the couple but also to the psychological experiences a person has had in childhood. Unresolved emotional issues can hinder the ability to build healthy relationships and openly communicate needs with a partner. Writer Neil Strauss, in a conversation with American podcaster Lewis Howes, discussed a behavioral pattern that he believes can indicate an increased risk of infidelity. This involves excessive emotional merging and the blurring of personal boundaries, writes Mirror. ## When a child learns to take responsibility for their parents' feelings According to Strauss, such a pattern can form in childhood. A child begins to focus excessively on the moods and needs of their parents, while their own desires and feelings go unnoticed. Gradually, they learn to earn love and recognition by caring for others. In adulthood, this scenario can be transferred into romantic relationships. ## The desire to "save" or change a partner A person with such an experience often chooses a partner who can be cared for, fixed, or "saved." In the early stages of a relationship, this role gives them a sense of significance and necessity. However, over time it becomes clear that it is impossible to completely change another person. Then, enthusiasm may give way to fatigue, irritation, and resentment. According to Strauss, a person begins to perceive their partner in much the same way they once perceived their parents: they try to meet others' needs but do not receive the desired emotional return. ## Feeling trapped and searching for a way out If the partner does not change, the "rescuer" may feel deceived and trapped. Accumulated dissatisfaction sometimes manifests as emotional distancing, conflicts, attempts to push the loved one away, or seeking relationships outside. Thus, Strauss considers a troubling signal not to be a single phrase or action but a persistent pattern: a person builds relationships around the desire to reshape their partner and then begins to resent them for not achieving this. ## The theory sparked debate Listeners' opinions on the interview were divided. Some stated that they recognized their own experiences in the description and found Strauss's reasoning convincing. Others reminded that the desire to care for or help a partner does not in itself indicate a tendency toward infidelity. Some commentators also suggested that the described pattern resembles parentification. This refers to a situation where a child is forced to take on emotional or practical responsibility for adults too early. Later, they may carry this role into relationships and behave more like a parent than an equal partner. The desire to constantly save and reshape a partner can indeed indicate violated personal boundaries and an unhealthy model of intimacy. However, one cannot consider such a person a potential cheater solely on this basis. The risk to relationships arises when hidden expectations, accumulated resentment, and unmet needs are not openly discussed and gradually turn into emotional alienation.
